germany, germany, it started to feel like home.
though i didn't feel like i was in a family yet, but i guessed it'd get better.
it felt like i've been here for forever, yet i've got a long way to go.

sometimes i felt like the eight remaining months weren't enough,
sometimes i imagined myself in eight month times, back in thailand again, and how much i'd change
i can't wait to see what would happen to me at the end

spring was kind of on and off this year, probably was the worst year ever (well, weather-wise)
but i liked it (most of the time) i've got enough summer from 17 years of my life in thailand, i'd love to embrace the fresh, chilly air a bit longer than people here.


i loved spring, flowers were blooming, dandelions were abundance, and the yellow fields of flower were everywhere. i thought it was an amazing time of the year, like everything was coming back to life after a long, miserable period of winter and snow.


i started to prefer tea over hot chocolate for some reasons. it felt healthier, warmer and cosier. i loved peppermint tea. but i could actually drink all kinds of tea...with cakes :) my kind of afternoon tea in germany


i missed my cats a lot, and lulu was always a good distraction. loved you moody cat, i guessed i'd miss you so much when i go back home. being at my host aunt and uncle's house was always feel like home. playing with dogs and cat, look at paintings and i'd go paint with peter soon, it's already holiday and i haven't got much plans after all. thank you for making me feel at home :) i might miss you guys the most (after maria and tina) when i got back home. thank you.


and above everything, i missed my family in thailand.
i've cried for about three during the third months because i miss my mum and dad and sister and how loving and understanding they were. they were not perfect, but for me they were the best.


i realised how fast things change, and i was sad. i didn't want anything to change, which is impossible.
my sister would go to new zealand at the end of july, that meant in two months, and continue her high school there.
i was shocked, i didn't see it coming. and suddenly—surprised!—everything all at once.
but  at was the best for her, and i felt happy for her.
i just felt sad because i (sometimes) hated changes. i though i'd go back home next year and stay with her for at least another half a year. just the thought of her moving to another school was sad enough. and now she'd move to another country. that was clearly worse.
and my mum and dad would be alone, i didn't want them to be. all i could do was to hope that they wouldn't feel lonely. my mum even cried when we skyped this morning.


i've been thinking sometimes, that if i was going to the us instead of here things would be so much easier. at least i wouldn't have any problems with languages. but i knew i liked europe more than america, and i didn't regret coming here.
it was hard, but i'd try harder.
(at least i was quite proud of my german so far)
three months were already gone, and i still had (around) eight months left.
i felt unbelievably happy and sad at the same time, if that was possible.

i needed to study, to learn english and german at the same time, to decide what i want to do with my future, what i want to study in uni, where i want to go, do i want to take a gap year, and can i? or should i go to new zealand with my sister? or i want to go to england?

so many questions to answer yet so little time.
but i can do it, everybody believes in me, and most importantly,
i believe in myself.