Distance has been my best friend for the past few years now. Since I first left Thailand for Germany 5 years ago, I started to introduce distance into my life, my relationships.

It began with a distance between me and my family in Thailand, which continued to grow in time and space since then.

As a result of living in Germany and connecting with more people, I also put on a distance between me and my family and friends in Germany, where I consider my second home.

After a brief meeting with Lena when I moved to England a year later, we became really good friends, despite the fact that she is from Russia and in the past three years that we have known each other we have met three times in total. She is one of the first few people I think of when I have stories to tell, good or bad, and often I wish we live closer to each other.

Then there is Flo, my one and only connection to this grim island. We lived together for a year and a half, before I moved to Italy and she moved back to London after graduation. I could write endlessly about her, but in short I just want us to still be living together.

There are also a few friends from high school in Thailand who now live all over the places, and really dear friends I have met through travelling. Then the complication expanded when I did my semester abroad in Bologna. Italy became my third home, and boyfriend happened.

It is bound to happen in this way, I believe. The fact that I keep moving around and never seem to want to settle down in one place, I would either have no relationships or if I do, it would be a rather complicated one.

Fate must have decided that due to all the existing long-distance relationships in my life, I would be able to easily deal with another one.

I started to ask myself why this happened, one evening while I was sitting by myself in my little room in Leeds, forth year of ‘officially’ living here and I found myself with very little social life and desire to socialise with people. When I travel, I do love to meet people and even end up forming some long-lasting (and of course, long-distance) friendships with them. So what is happening here?

Is it my relationship with this country where I still couldn’t call home? Is it me who is not being open enough? Maybe this is just not my place? Am I afraid of settling down, and when I know that I would be living here for four years I simply hold myself back from feeling attached to this place? Or to any place at all?

This long-distance situation started to become a normality of my life and I started to question myself how long this will last. What would it be like to live with all my close friends around, meeting up for brunch every Sunday or having dinner together on Saturday night? Going straight to their place when I need someone to talk to instead of trying to call them on Skype? Going over to my parents’ ad bring them some cakes I baked or seeing my boyfriend after a long day at work?

I don’t know.

One thing I do know is that this is the life I am creating for myself, and consequentially I would always be in long-distance relationships with places. Having found home in three different countries, three different cultures. Because I don’t only have relationships with people, but also places. People can move and come together, but that’s not the case with places.

I suppose I will see how life will unfold itself from now on.

Since moving to England, I have (almost) always been travelling by myself. It has become a habit, my lifestyle, the way I choose to travel. I can do whatever I want, making spontaneous decisions every single minutes; waking up at 6 in the morning and walk uphill to see the sunrise, walking nonstop through the city, entering every shop and reading restaurants' menus. I didn't have to ask anyone's permission or opinion, didn't have to care what the other person would think, if he/she would be happy or not.

It might sound like I'm a very independent person who doesn't need anyone else ever, but actually I have always been finding it hard to be by myself, to be with myself. That's why I always use Couchsurfing when I travel by myself (not only because I can't afford a hostel room...) I remember the two nights spending in a hostel room in Barcelona, even though I did went our for dinner with one of my roommates, the whole two days by myself was pretty empty. I did't have a purpose to be there. What was I doing, walking around the city centre of Barcelona? What's the point of travelling? I kept asking myself theses same questions while I was there.

Because when I travel with my family, it was more like being an assisting photographer, the purpose was to take photos. Travelling with friends was to spend some time with people you know well in a different city, discovering new things and sharing your thoughts with someone. But what do you do when you're all by yourself?

It's true, I take photos. But somehow that was not my thing when travelling. The only things I took photos of when I was in Barcelona was food. (and using my small food writing job as an excuse to eat and talk to strangers)

But let's be honest, I'm this small, travelling with a light wallet, how much can a tiny girl like me actually eat? And no matter how good the food is, it can never be as good as when you share the moment with someone.

So that was what I was doing in Barcelona, reflecting on WHY exactly am I travelling?

My answer, I think, is to learn. To learn from the locals about the cultures and food, to get to know families, people, to make friends. Sightseeing was never my thing, at the end had always made my trip so memorable were the people I shared moments with. People whom I cook for, or cook for me, or teach me how to cook, who connected with me, shared a meal together, have random conversations, welcome me into their families. At the end, we become friends

That's also why I often feel so lonely; what else can I feel when so many of my good friends live in different corners of the world?


In the past few months, I also had a chance to travel with a friend (which normally rarely happens) Last week, my linguist programmer friend from Moscow, whom I met 2 years ago through Couchsurfing in London, came for a visit.

Even though it was only for a short period of time, less than a week, I have to admit that it was quite different from the way I normally travel. We had to compromise and sacrifice. Luckily, both of us were quite independent and normally travel solo, so we understood each other's need to be independent. Sometimes we went off doing our own things for a while, and then meet back again later. We didn't have to eat at the same place if we didn't want to.

Okay, but that didn't happen very often, and we still travelled together.



Lena was a straightforward person (which I think is a Russian thing? or at least a Russian stereotype) Whatever she liked or disliked, she said it. But neither of us were offended by each other's direct speech and opinion. We didn't have to be together all the time, to agree on everything. But at the end of the day, it was nice to have someone to talk to while you wander the streets, to share your thoughts, feeling and food, to even to take photos of.

I see travelling with someone a skill which I want to learn, or at least get better at. Learning to compromise and communicate, to create new memories, not only with yourself and strangers but also someone your already know.

To enrich your friendship, I believe that's what travel does, too.

it was a big year, full of the unexpected, as always.

which i have to say was the best thing that could happen, the unexpected.

started not very amazing one new year, the year progressed and it was filled with frustrations and 'in-between' feelings. i managed to went back to germany and visited all the people i loved back there, ade my way to berlin and spent a really good few days there with my couch surfer hosts and their cat, lucy.

volunteering at the sourdough bread bakery in leeds and getting a 'festival job' (as in food festival job) was probably one of the great escapes i had before going home for summer.

a long summer spent in thailand. 3 and a half months almost.

meeting my friends again, and also made a new friend from berlin, paula. being able to help her settling down, more or less, was one of the best feelings. feeling like i was able to return the same favour i receive in germany, actually not return but passing it on to someone else and knowing that the person appreciated it.

and my three months in thailand was amazing. i did a lot of thing, and on the other hand not much at all. i saw my cousin whom i hadn't seen for almost two years which was really nice. and spent a week in bangkok where my aunts and uncle took me to load of places with good food.

i also took a ceramic course, which i must say had a big impact in the work i later did in uni. oh yes, and i decided to go back to leeds.

or come back to leeds.

in a way, this year in leeds was so much different than last year. i had amazing housemates who enjoyed cooking and eating good food as much as i did. and i cooked a lot more than i had every done. i also became more involved with green action which felt really nice.

and with a big hope i wished to spend a semester abroad in barcelona next year.

meeting flo was another thing that changed me a lot this year. i had learnt so much about myself (and other things) through living with her. for once she made me feel like i had a home in england. and i had a much better christmas than last year, a much better experience in london as well.

and she somehow managed to make me sign up for the vipassana course. which i'm going on tomorrow.

this year, i had discovered so many more things about myself, which i think it's an important part of growing up. i stopped trying and finally found a place where i belong with a few good friends i actually need in my life.

i can feel that i'm stepping closer to my dream and i'm growing up.

changing and growing, never ending, as always.

literally, wow
another 'what a year' kinda year.

this year began in germany, make its way to iceland, back to the comfort of my home country, and it'll end here, where i'm sitting in front of my laptop writing this blog post,
england

what an adventurous year indeed.

last new year's eve, i didn't know where i would be next new year's eve
this new year's eve, i'm not sure where am i gonna be on the next one either
life's pretty unpredictable isn't it? or at least my life is.

so almost 12 months ago, i was crying at the train station in fluent german (if there was a language of crying, it would be german), hugging all my friends and family, saying goodbye

almost nine month ago, we boarded a flight and went on a 28-hour journey to an isolated island and spent wonderfully snowy two weeks in iceland

then i went trough the teenage stage of i-don't-know-what-i-want-to-do-after-high-school for a while, applied to loads of random courses

six months ago, i decided i would go to leeds and spend at least nine months of my life there without knowing any other human beings in the country, let alone the city

almost four months ago, i left my hometown, once again, the only difference was that it was all by myself this time. me and only me.

then i found myself in a strange new country again. at least this time i we spoke the same language, most of us did

i had a terrible month with horrible flatmates, tears and hatred were involved, as well as unexpected friendship and help offered by people i barely knew. they had my appreciation.

and i couldn't fit in, all the crazy first years who loved clubbing, drink cheap alcohols and getting wasted. a place where people just used the fully-equipped kitchen to heat takeaways and frozen meals.

i didn't tried to change myself to fit in, or even if i did, i quitted quite soon. i was staying close to my true self, my values and beliefs.

i stopped eating meat, and gradually buying cheese and dairy products

i pushed myself out there and tried whatever i have always wanted to try. i got into salsa and i loved it. even better than that, i found green action, a societies full of like minded people, vegetarians who care about environment, who do yoga and meditate, who were open-minded and accepted each other for who we are

a month ago, i had a new group of friends and became friends with a lovely spanish girl with her love for vegetables and good taste in music

i seized every opportunity that interested me. i went to a bakery and filmed how their sourdough bread is done. and somehow ended up as a volunteer baker there.

i start making connections with people in leeds, and i started loving it a bit more everyday.
i love the independent food businesses here
i love the good bread from leeds bread coop and all the people behind it
i love the mouthwatering vegan cakes from that old chestnut
i love noisette bakehouse's inventive desserts
i love belgrave street feast
i love falafel and hummus at humpit
i love briggate farmer's market and the 1£ cake on sale at the end of the day
i love cool people from green action

at the end, it really is all about people and not places.

though there are things i still hate, the lack of parks and life in student halls
i do believe that 4 months of experience in halls is enough, let alone a year
so no more halls next year, no. more. with an exception of edinburgh's first student housing coop which won't be the same as any other halls anyway

so, as a part of my end-of-the-year ritual, i'm having a social media cleanse/diet/fast whatever you call it. basically i won't go on Facebook, twitter, instagram, pinterest etc. etc. on christmas day, boxing day, new year's eve and new year. and no internet at all on christmas, nye and new year.

with one exception (every rule has an exception, of course) of communicating with my family back home.

i don't know just yet where 2015 will take me, or where on earth i will be next new year's eve. but i'm pretty sure it's gonna be just as adventurous as this one.

have a holly jolly christmas xxx

i've been missing from this blog for over a year, but i guess now i'm back on track.

new year has been a blast. 2012 was one of the best years in my life. i met amazing people, grow closer to my friends and for the half bit of the year i actually really enjoy my life. one of the thing that made me appreciate life more was the fact that i'm going to germany this february. i'm going as an exchange student of AFS. it made me realised how little time a had and i did so many crazy, weird things i had always wanted to do last term of school. i couldn't be any happier.



i came across this vdo yesterday because of zoe (zoella)'s tweet and i was literally dying when i watched it. and now i just want the whole world to watch it and see how beautiful tom is. this is the cutest thing ever on earth


i'll come of with some interesting topic next post, well, hopefully